This is the second in a series on how hypnotherapy can create more positive relationships.
Find love with Hypnosis
"Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own lovelessness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it.” – D. H. Lawrence
On some level, everyone knows that desperation means failure when searching for a romantic partner. Yet, so many people in the market for a partner feel desperate. It makes sense. Human beings are social creatures. They want to know that they fit in, that they belong, and that they are accepted. They also find satisfaction in caring for others and security in being cared for. Without security, without social acceptance, and without someone to nurture, many people feel utterly lost.
What are keys to attracting a romantic relationship?
Ironically, the trick is to be fine alone and never, never feel desperate. The trick is to accept yourself exactly the way you are and to embrace the adventure of the unknown. You may or may not find a partner. If you force yourself into a relationship or settle for a relationship that requires you to be less than you are or different than you are, that relationship will certainly fail. So, why go through the pain?
Another trick, as DH Lawrence says, above, is to be loving – to care for and about others, while respecting the self, but not focusing solely on the self. It’s one thing to set good boundaries and to know your own limitations; it’s another thing to think that the partner you’re looking for is there just to please you. It’s important to care for another, to the extent that you can mean your vows if it comes to getting married. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, means you’re not focusing only on yourself. Your relationship goes beyond other people’s opinions or the stuff you share together. It’s about commitment and intimacy, and intimacy doesn’t just mean sex.
True Love Requires True Intimacy
How can hypnotherapy help attract a romantic partner?
Perhaps you’ve heard about the Laws of Correspondence. These are principles in psychology that describe relationships between people as driven by the subconscious. The first is the Law of Projection—that means we interpret the world through the lens of our subconscious mind. We "project" our interpretation of the world everywhere. So, if a client’s father cheated on the mother when the client was a child, it’s likely that the client will expect romantic partners to cheat, even if that’s an undesired situation. The second is the Law of Attraction – that means as we project, so we attract. If I expect partners to cheat on me and I think I’m not worthy of a committed relationship, I will attract partners who cheat. The last is the Law of Transfiguration – this means that, no matter how much I dress up the outside of me, the subconscious is what dictates results. So, if I don't feel attractive inside, it doesn't matter how much I dress up or how I change my behavior – I won’t attract anyone.
Hypnotherapy can reverse subconscious programming – that is, ideas or beliefs, accepted or decided in our life experience – so we transform how we project onto potential partners and attract ones who are suitable. Hypnotherapy can help you differentiate between false beliefs and your core values, which are innate and unchangeable. (See my video on how hypnosis works to understand more.)
One of my early clients was a young man who suffered from depression and drank too much. He began drinking after he was sexually assaulted in a massage parlor. This is a sad story, really, because so many of his friends thought it was funny. Even his girlfriend, with whom he lived, thought the assault was funny. Now, this is an example of innate values. This man was private and sensitive. His girlfriend was brash and believed in open relationships. His self-esteem was so low that he felt lucky to have her. But in fact, he had compromised his core self to be with her, and worse, to be accepted by his friends. Living in a major West Coast city, he felt obligated to share their belief system - that sex was not so much a way to express love as an animal function. He wasn’t like that. He needed to leave his girlfriend and find a woman who respected (if not shared) his values, but he was afraid of embracing the unknown.
The unknown is actually a beautiful, magical place that contains everything we need to be happy. Sure, it contains some things or people that can hurt us. But without venturing out into it, we are destined to repeat our own mistakes over and over again, and perhaps even the mistakes of our parents and grandparents. If we dwell on our fears and buy into our subconscious programming – ideas like “I’m not good enough for a relationship" or “There’s no such thing as a happy lasting relationship" or “I’m a misfit” – then that’s what we’re going to get. By altering how the subconscious perceives the world and the people in it, new people and experiences appear and become the norm. We learn that there’s a way of seeing the world that’s entirely different from the way we were brought up. We also learn that there is a place—and perhaps a partner—for us and our innate values.
What is Hypnotherapy like?
Hypnotherapy sessions – mine are often two hours long – take a client through various types of experience. Sometimes, a session focuses solely on affirmations—that is, finding the right words that clients need to embed into their thinking. "I am not good enough" becomes "I am good enough." Some sessions are like stories in which the client is a character, and the hypnotherapist is the narrator or guide. The client experiences new situations – often fantasy or even abstract situations—and interacts with elements of the situation in order to change negative belief patterns. Sometimes sessions require clients to visit a traumatic event or troubling memory and confront key figures in that event. In doing so, clients are guided to discover positive resources that change their relationships with the past. Always, sessions end on a positive note with clients realizing greater potential and seeing themselves in a much more positive light.
Having neutralized emotions related to past traumas and realizing new inner resources, clients are naturally less focused on themselves. They project a more positive and loving interpretation of the world. They’re happier and more willing to give—whether or not they attract a romantic partner. As a result, they are simply more pleasant and rewarding to be around. Free of the scent of desperation, they feel relaxed when meeting new people. And, indeed, they attracts mates.
Unlocking Your Inner Potential
Want to learn more?